It is a little late to write a February summary now. It’s 6th of April. But when I suppose to write it – beginning of March, I had a birthday to prepare and to deal with slightly insane work situation. So here we are. Beginning of April, summarizing my February.

Started my February in Champney Springs

Almost a year ago, I booked myself stay in Champney Springs. This is a spa, where my employer gives me a whooping 75% percent discount to stay in. But you have to plan in advance and book it almost 6 months ahead. I’ve been rescheduling my booking 2 times since I’ve made it. Every time it would more my reservation a few months ahead. But now I actually managed to make it.

First day I’ve arrived I had a meltdown. I felt that I’m not coping with my current reality and all I want is to curl in on a bed and try to forget about it. Thankfully, I took my journal with me. So I tried some writing therapy. I wrote huge letter AAAAAA all other the page. I was shouting through the page. I’ve added a cat’s butt. Let it all go to the cat’s butt. That’s how I felt.

Next day was better. I decided to take an advantage of the fact I was in the spa. After all, having a meltdown in the spa is better that at work or at home.
I opened my favorite book – Wishcraft. I was going for long morning walks and soaked in the hot jacuzzies.

I even managed to have visited Jane Austen House, and of course I’m a fan! I got myself a authentic 18-centuary nightgown 🙂 And I’ve tried to paint my surroundings using what I learnt in a painting course. It looked terrible. But I’m happy I’ve tried.

I’ve also tried talking to my neighbors during dinners. I read a research that it made both of people happier. And indeed it worked for me, I felt proud of myself at how brave I am – I could talk to strangers!

Having fun in London

Back in London the life had awaited for me. I was definitely affected by seasonal depression – waking up in the dark at 7 am does that to you. At the same time I was hopeful about what I have written in my journal. I’ve slowly moved towards my dreams – isn’t that wonderful?

I have visited Design Museum all alone. I had gone from crying on the street to actually appreciating the art. At the end of it I’ve ate a hot scone with raspberry jam and clotted cream.

14th of February I’ve spent in a fancy restaurant together with Simão’s friends. It was better than being alone. It felt good. They served us some kind of Hong Kong solyanka that was nothing like solyanka I know and loved.

So I’ve cooked my own Russian solyanka at home.

Together with Simão we were slowly watching Штирлиц. I would never agree to watch any kind of TV series with this guy. He is satisfied by watching just one episode! I’ve always have a hangover. I want to watch more, as much as there is. I’d binge-watch any show I’ve liked. Feels like I’ve couldn’t share my love of films with Simão .

Tax story

It was an other season for my communication with HMRC. I’ve tried to get back the money they owed me for first year in the country, as I’ve only worked for a few months but payed the taxes as if I was working the whole year.

At this part of the story they had already acknowledge the dept (Yoo-hoo!) and I was waiting to get it it. But guess what, when I’ve checked the website they claimed they had already payed it in the past! They set the date of payment to be 6 months before my initial inquiry. So in their eyes they already paid and owed me nothing.

I called them. For a half an hour they tried to convince me I was just imagining it and I don’t know how the tax actually work. Did I’ve just miss the payment? Did I’ve checked my bank account? It took me an other half an hour and a small freak out to convince them to put my case into further investigation.

And it worked! I got my check! In the mail! Except, it did not have my name… And I thought it would be easy. But I’m already a confident caller. I’ve called them again – and, a miracle – they had agreed to give me an other check.

Evaluation talk

February is the season of evaluation at my work. It freaks me out every time. I got too much traumatized by my employment Google. Every time I need to evaluate my work the feeling comes to me that I’m an absolute earthworm – I’ve deserve nothing, and I should be damn grateful I’ve even have job and earn actual, and not Monopoly, money.

Do I need more money? I’m not starving. I have a place to live. How I could have impudence to ask for more? A lot of people don’t have what I have.

You see the picture. My imposter syndrome rules the day. I need validation some damn much. Am I ok? Really?

The thought that allowed me to go on is I want to be that kind of person who asks for raise. I want to be someone who is brave and believe they are valuable. Maybe I’m not that right now. But I want to be. And it was enough to give me some calm.

On the bright side

I’ve joined badminton! Playing badminton was always something that brought me pleasure but I didn’t have willpower to organize. But I’ve joined a few work outings and I finally do it!

I went for two art therapy sessions on Saturdays. The connection was magical and it’s always self-indulging to let myself draw.

I made a painting of Porto and finally finished f*king Nazare on which I spent much over 60 hours !

I was really stressed week before holidays, dealing with setbacks at work and trying to finish all at once.
But then I flew to Costa Rica through Atlanta to spend a holiday with my sister!

Costa Rica

I’m so glad I went to this trip. Bright and intense Costa Rica is something person needs to go through the endless November of winter in London.

My sister planned all the trip and drove us the whole way there! It was packed with driving through mountains, seing wild animals at night and visits to local artist’s shops (my favorite).
We started in the Spa at La Fortuna – a natural resort where you can chill in the warm water. It was nice and relaxing.

But second day we went on a hike. It was hike in the natural park and we suppose to see some wildlife, and we so – a bit – through the binoculars. My sister was coming before me and didn’t engage in conversation much. I felt kinda lonely. I find it quite hard to live on someone else’s schedule and fit in. Inevitable happened – I’ve separated from the group and gave myself some time to rest.

Orchard’s garden

In the next town – Monte Verde – Masha was bungee jumping. It looked very scary even to watch, but somehow she went through the hole process. In this town also there quite a few nice art shops, there I bought a nice pillow with a cat on it, self-supporting affirmations on the small jewellery plates and orchard earrings.

And yes – I’ve visited orchard’s garden that got me totally mesmerized. I’ve learned tones information about orchards, and preceded to find more orchards in the wild!

Masha also booked us to climb a tree – from inside! It was a bit scary but totally worth it. I’ve afraid of falling off the tree the whole time, but somehow I’ve climbed it unscathed. The tree looked really beautiful from the inside.

I did painting as much as I could. I’ve painted on the plain. In the car. Sitting in the restaurant. Just after waking up. I’ve always try to make my holiday days the time I’ve spend doing my art.

We had visited nice relaxing yoga in the morning session in the last day and then in the evening I went paddle boarding.

It was gorgeous! Trying to paddle board in the sea is the ultimate fun. The waves are so big, it is not very easy to find the balance. So it takes a lot to try and stand on the board. It took me half an hour to stand for the first time. And then, of course, I’ve flopped back into the ocean. But Pacific ocean at Costa Rica is nice and warm so it’s no biggie. I’ve just tried again, again, and again.
I’ve absolutely loved it.