Shit goes down… Shit really goes down.

Sequence of unfortunate events

My grandfather have died.
My sister have lost her job and going though medical challenges.

My mother uses me as her outlet for all her worries.

I feel just so hopeless and empty.
My manager is moving away to work at US.
All I have loved in a past few years is going to shit. And it’s telling.

Didn’t get to Pycon Sweden Con

I got accepted prepared to speak at the conference… I broke down telephone lines trying to reach them… still got stopped by not getting my visa in time.
It’s 15th of November today. I’ve submitted my application 43 days ago… Still no answer or progress. It’s so disheartening. I had everything! I was so ready! I was drawing art for my presentation on my way to work and after…

Spending weeks preparing slides and running dry talks…
I feel just so betrayed by this system. I could do less and less. My likes , freedoms and privileges are disappearing, i feel like a frog that decided to take a bath in a cold water, and the water temperature was rising ever sinse.

Got into Pyladies Con (online)

But I actually got at one con – Pyladies. I’m so gratefull for that. I wanted so much to talk at the conference, I’m hungry for an opportunity. And I did this one pretty well. It’s a talk about computer memory based on my article: https://www.ava-coding.com/chapter/time_and_space/static_arrays

Have to create slides and video on very short notice. I recorded a video in the office. Edited it. Did get necessary approvals, and made a few dry runs before my team. But I think it is good and I couldn’t wait to present!

Grandfather passed away

My grandfather died in Rostov-on-Don. My father was with him. It’s tremendously sad and overwhelming. I remember talking to him not long before. I didn’t know it would be our last conversation.
I remember him teaching me doing pelmeni from scratch – that’s russian dumplings with meat. I remember him drying fruit and doing frozen sugar-free jams to eat from his fruits. He always cooked and served fresh hot meals for my grandma – it was his language of love.
When she died, there’s no much of his soul left. He aged really rapidly, have to care for her. It’s is most stressful thing in life – watch slowly loosing your loved one to cancer.

None of us are permanent. We act as if we have plenty of time, but we don’t. Our time will end, and faster when we’ve expected.

Concert of Monetochka

I’m so happy to finally be at Monetochka’s concert! I was shouting out of my lungs singing my favourite songs and jumping in the crowd. She is so brave, I really marvel on how much good she had done with her art for the world’s peace.

Где-то выше крыш

Обгоняя звук

Рейс Москва-Париж

Киев-Петербург

Не найти пустого места –

Братья, бабушки, невесты

И конечно ты, мой милый друг!

That’s translates somewhat to:

Somewhere above the roofs

Faster than the sound

Flight from Moscow to Paris

From Kiev to Saint-Petersburg

There is no empty seats –

Brothers, grandmas, brides,

And of course you, my dear friend!

I hope we will see this future soon enough, because all bad things do end eventually. The aftermath of situation would still be there for quite some time though.

Autumn paintings & Art Therapy

I went to art therapy and felt supported by the attendees, psychologist and the process. I painted a picture of the fox be thrown in the called ocean hopeless not knowing how to get out – and the other side of fox holding hands together with the seal confidently swimming in the ocean.

Autumn colors

Beauty of nature

Learning Portuguese in Portuguesy

A lot of effort, but it is paying off!

Worked almost every weekend to improve my portuguese skills and knowledge.

Simão’s Dad Visit

That was cool! I try to use as much Portuguese as I’ve learned, and Simão’s dad was really supportive! He also treated us with dinners a few times, which was wholesome and very heart-warming.

Had a lunch in russian restaurant during my lunch break ❤

Small pleasures

Nice food, small notes, flowers, and unbonded fluffiness.

Meet friends

So good to see Abi, even for a bit!

Food and calorie counting

Effective, but not as bad as I thought it would be. Lost more than 5 kilos in two month so far! Really proud of myself ❤ I like that I’m still eating everything I really want, on any day is just a question o how much I eat per day. I feel much lighter and really on top of my game. I use ChatGPT for estimating my calories per day, and I thing it’s really effective and not so much shame-focused and high-effort as other calorie tracking apps that I’ve tried. Sometimes I just whine to it that I don’t see progress and I fill that is all going nowhere and I really admire supportive and up-bit energy it gives me back.

Russian Banya at Chiswick

I booked myself a banya, because I wanted to care for myself while I’m dealing with stress. I liked really nice russian food, and relaxing “Pareniye” session.

Notable mentions

• Dancing morning exercise / abracadabra dance
• Gave a speech about doodling at conferences
• Submitted my swedish visa application as soon as I knew I was accepted
• Read a book about text therapy
• “The opposite of worry is trust”
• “Solving the problem while removing, not adding”
• Participated in BOB event and made my 25 hours volunteering!
• Did my fair bit of running
• I trust the universe to help me